A Complete Guide Of Dating Tips For Guys

(Read Time 20 min)

Have you ever felt trapped in the difficult waves of dating, often finding yourself submerged in pain and rejection breakup after breakup? I've been there. But, just as the dawn follows the darkest night, from those bleak times emerged a radiant light, guiding me to my incredible wife. Navigating the world of dating and relationships can often feel like a monstrous journey through dark tunnels of heartbreak and disappointment. It doesn’t have to be this way.

My mission here is give some dating tips and relationship advice to shine that same light that guided me to success. I want to share my dating advice for men so you can navigate through your singleness season minimizing the pain and uncertainties. All to help you successfully find an incredible partner to spend your life with (because it’s absolutely amazing).

Many people are trapped in self-imposed illusions of suffering and pain, my goal is to help you break through that illusion just as I did. Sadly, most of us invest more time in healing and maintenance after emotional injuries, rather than taking the time for pre-relationship preparation. This is akin to continuously repairing a house with a shaky foundation. You fix the foundation and the house forever stands strong and secure. If our alignment with God isn’t firm and our relationship with ourselves isn’t grounded in self-love, how can we expect a flourishing relationship with another? 

With my journey through dating and honestly all of life, I came to learn that life's seeming setbacks are often divinely orchestrated setups. Setbacks are merely stepping stones and learning experiences for an impending comeback. Wherever you are at, the best days are here now. All it takes is one choice and the rest of your life an be changed forever.

I am no relationship guru, coach, nor self-proclaim myself to be, but it is my purpose to share with you what I learned on my journey that led me to such an incredible relationship with my now wife.

Think of dating as a vehicle. It is a vehicle that can take you to your dream relationship. So it is best to know how to navigate and use the vehicle, with the help of reliable dating advice, so you can stop crashing along the way. In this blog post, I will share some essential dating tips that have helped me build confidence and connect with women. I hope you can take anything from this post to elevate your dating life and find success in your relationships.

A Season of Singleness (PRE-DATING PREPARATION)

Before diving into Dating, I want to share the NewHeidts R.I.S.E. Process. This transformative method applies to all life facets, and can be applied to dating and relationships. It helps me to continually grow and evolve:

• Reach: Understand your current position and set a clear destination.

• Inner: Commit to inner transformation, evolving into your improved self.

• Serve: Be a giver, whether in a date or long-term relationship.

• Evolve: With each relationship milestone, evolve both individually and as a pair. Then, repeat the process for perpetual personal growth and spiritual evolution.

I heard that what we face today as a society isn't a relationship problem but a singleness problem. I agree 100% with that statement. We take no time or very little time to prepare in our season of singleness. Society mistakenly views singleness as a deficiency, leading many to seek fulfillment from external sources. This is a lie. This lie results in you giving "second interviews" to those who might not be qualified to be your life partner or qualified to even to have a relationship with you. When we give these second and third interviews and eventually get into an unhealthy relationship we usually find ourselves right back to where we started - in pain and emotionally hurt. This is why preparation is key. Preparation shapes you into a WHOLE individual, bringing yourself as a COMPLETE human being to the relationship. 

For my guys reading this, I also see that women are unfairly commoditized in today's culture. Do not buy into this lie unfulfilled boys disguised as men project into the world. They may look like a grown man on the outside but have kept the psyche of a boy. 

A woman, in her full essence, is not just an object or trophy. She’s an embodiment of purpose, with the potential to enhance and enrich everything she touches. Anything you bring to this kind of a woman will become what it is meant to become. Her power, energy, peace, and purpose is incredible. This is the kind of woman you should seek and prepare for. She is only brought to you when you are in alignment with your full masculine self, creating a real connection that goes beyond superficial attraction.

I’ve also come to learn that the nature of life is uncertainty and singleness presents uncertainty head on! When you accept uncertainty, your heart opens, aligning with your higher self and allowing life to unfold as it should. As Peter Crone beautifully articulated, "Life can be challenging, but whatever the challenge is, is the gold, is the opportunity... We are beneficiaries of life, not victims of it." 

To navigate this realm of singleness, meditation becomes your compass. Meditation changed everything for me in my season of singleness. It continues to do so now as a married and committed man. It is the doorway to healing, creating, and living. Dr. Joe Dispenza describes meditation as 'becoming familiar with', which unlocks a new dimension of consciousness – a dimension where you can become incredibly self aware to transform and construct a life and/or relationship of your dreams.

I urge you to dedicate time to your season of singleness. Treat it as a sacred phase of self-discovery and (re)building of your temple. After I went through a breakup that crushed my world at the time, I spent just around a year dating myself, going on no dates with women. Then I spent another 4 years continually preparing, learning, becoming, and understanding who I wanted to be and not be, yet I did go on dates here and there. I committed these feelings of who I wanted to become to memory. I built a new version of myself. I dedicated 5 years of preparation and self-growth all for my now wife. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Take the time in your season of singleness and you will walk away better in ALL aspects of your life and your mental and emotional health will thank you. 

Singleness is a pivotal life season and the most important season you go and grow through. You're accountable only to yourself. Worthiness is something under the distorted reality or illusion that you have to earn. You are worthy. You begin to recognize your innate worth and align with your higher self, preparing for the opportunities life will bring. Because that what life does, it BRINGS you opportunities. You don’t find them.

What can you do to navigate this season of Singleness successfully?

I'll share with you what I did and what I learned through my season of singleness so you can become a greater version of yourself and WIN. This dating advice for guys transformed everything I knew.

Get in alignment with your higher self and develop a growth mindset.

Make space & prepare for the opportunities to flow into your life that match your alignment. Making space usually means letting go of old things and old mindsets. Habits. Friends. Situations. Beliefs. It takes a lot of time to become aware of these things in order to remove them, realign, and make space for new things. Develop a growth mindset and work on your personal growth. Remember life brings you opportunities. Opportunities always match preparation. This is why you prepare, make space, and become a better version of your current self.

The way I began to do this more more was through quiet alone time in meditation, long walks through the desert, and continual self improvement. I spent 5 years doing this (I still do it now too). I would have conversations with myself, pray, see what answers began to flow. All the answers lie within. I also committed to my personal growth and the development of a growth mindset.

Being Single doesn’t mean being alone, get into community.

I did my absolute best to surround myself in community. Whether that was with close friends or purpose-driven groups. Walk through this season with people. Get into a community. It makes the journey so much more rewarding. It helps you stay solid and in alignment as your community will begin to hold you accountable for who you are striving to become.

Get a vision for your life.

A season of Singleness can give you a new vision for life. If you don't create a positive and clear vision for your life and future relationship, your mind will default to one based on past traumas and survival instincts. This can trap you in a cycle of fearing a future that hasn't even occurred. Once you create this vision, strive towards it day by day.

I got absolutely clear on what I wanted for the next phase of life and with the relationship I desired to have. I walked away with a clear vision and goals. I had a clear picture of a type of women I wanted. My wife looks just like the picture! It’s crazy. I also now live the life I envisioned years ago as an entrepreneur.

GOAL: The results or achievement toward which effort is directed aim. 

If you dont have aim, you cannot have a goal. If you have a casual goal you will get causal, if you have a specific goal you will get specific. If you dont have a a vision or standards before you get into relationship, the relationship will create the vision and standards that you live by. This is all part of the preparation and your personal growth.

Understand your Place, Purpose, Provision, Identity, and Parameters

I learned this through an incredible sermon series from Pastor Michael Todd. It is something I must share because looking back now, it all makes sense. God will give you all these things in your season of singleness BEFORE a person is brought to you.

• PLACE - If you find yourself in a place where you are uncomfortable, it is for your growth. Sometimes you have to sit in a place that your are uncomfortable in. If you leave it, life will bring your right back to it until you learn the lesson it is trying to gift you. Know that this place of uncomfort is meant to shape you, polish you, build you, and help you grow into whom you are supposed to become. Think of it as an acorn being planted in new dirt.

  • I finally listened to God back in 2019 to move to Las Vegas, NV after 3 years of feeling the pull. I had no clue why he wanted me there. That first year being in Vegas was 2020. We all know how 2020 went. I spent a lot of time alone and uncomfortable, but I was planted in a new place and I had to allow the dirt to do its work. God gave me a place.

  
  

• PURPOSE - Through your season of singleness, opportunities sprout that give you a chance to live out your God-given purpose. You’ll know its part of your purpose when these opportunities fuel you with energy, life, and challenge. The challenge will be so great, you’ll realize you cant achieve it on your own. It becomes a new vision for your life. Purpose isn’t singular. It is multidimensional.

  • I just moved to a new city. Opportunities began to flow into my life to help more and more people grow their businesses and help them become a greater version of themselves to make their impact on the world. I began to see a new vision for my life. It was a vision I could not achieve by my own doing. He told me I was brough here to Vegas to shine. You are put here to shine and to help people. God gave me a new purpose.

  
  

• PROVISION - Through your new place and new purpose, life will present challenges to which you can only move forward by FAITH believing everything will work out as it is intended to do. God will provide the resources that will help you get there. You just have to keep showing up and doing the work.

  • In 2020 I started with a new job when I moved to Vegas. Only to be let go 28 days into the position as the company laid off 30+ people. I just signed a year lease and bought a new car. I didn’t know what would happen next. I eventually landed a client here and a client there that helped me pay rent, keep my car, eat food and survive. Eventually more opportunities came and kept me growing. It didn’t happen all at once, but it built my faith step-by-step. God gave me provision.

  
  

• IDENTITY - In your new place and purpose you find your true identity. You begin to become more and more self-aware. You begin to leave the old you behind just as a the ways of a child need to be left behind. You become greater. People are standing outside of their promises and waiting for ‘their person.’ God wants to give you your true identity and purpose before the person is there. 

  • I stepped into my new place and new purpose as God continued to provide for me along the way. He gave me the space and the opportunity to reinvent myself, to see who I can become. He planted me in new dirt. Just as an acorn must transform on the inside before it breaks through the shell, I had to sit in the dirt and transform inside. A new identity would form. An identity that is wrapped in God that only he can help me continually build and live out. God gave me an identity.

  
  

• PARAMETERS - God will give you everything above and then give you parameters in order for you to take root, grow and allow your vision to come to be. An oak tree doesnt become and oak tree until it is planted. It is planted in the parameters of your garden in order for it to grow. As you grow within these parameters, your come to learn that your previous definition of ‘freedom’ was actually preventing you from having amazing things flow and stay in your life. You begin to exprience a shift prioritizing your responsibilities in the parameters over chasing your ‘freedom’.

  • I used to have an extreme case of escapism. Meaning when things got tough I wanted to leave and travel. I even convinced myself it was called the ‘travel bug.’ I believed that if things were tough that I guess it wasn't meant to be. In reality, the pain, the uncomfortable situtuations are the signal. They are doing the work on you. 2020/2021 was tough for everyone. I was in an uncomfortable spot. Being single is uncomfortable. I was even about to give into my escapism, leave Vegas and go on a 12 month trip around the world. But God gave me the parameters. I was to stay planted in Las Vegas, stay away from the night life scene, and continue to building NewHeidts trusting God along the way.

    
    

Remember God gives you all these FIRST before he brings you a person

Become The Person Who Your Looking For is Looking For

It’s about becoming the right person, not about finding the right person. You must become the person you’re looking for is looking for.

This realization was a wake-up call for me, it was one of those aha moments. For a long time, I was on a relentless quest for a serious relationship. I envisioned a future family and a life built on partnership and commitment. However, the woman I was seeking was not seeking me back.

I was immature, yet she was looking for a mature man. I lacked consistency, while she craved stability. I was frivolous with my spending, but she sought financial security. I let my emotions control me; she wanted someone emotionally intelligent. I let bad habits get the best of me sometimes; she wanted someone who had their priorities strait. There was a glaring mismatch between who I was and who I was looking for, which led to my prolonged singleness.

So, I had to evolve and BECOME a better version of myself—Version 2.0. This was the person who I was looking for was looking for. 

The myth that "the one" is out there waiting for you to find them can be damaging. The truth is, you need to BECOME the right person first. When you do, life has a way of BRINGING the right person into your orbit.

Being stuck in an endless cycle of seeking often indicates resistance to where you are in the present. Resistance prolongs. It’s the accepting that changes everything. It's in the here and now that real growth happens. If you stop resisting, you can look internally. You can take the time to address unresolved issues from your past, whether they are rooted in your childhood or previous relationships. You can change bad habits, renew your mind, and let go of the things holding you back. Doing this internal work is crucial. It restablishes your foundation to which you grow from.

“If you attempt to build intimacy with a person before you’ve done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete the hole in your heart.”

As I mentioned previously, the world doesn’t have relationship problems it has singlness problems. It has singleness problems because a majority of people do not do the internal work. They hop from relationship to relationship seeking someone to fix the hole in their heart when it can only be fixed by YOU.

A heartbreak is not really a “heart break”; it's a reopening of your heart. This reopening brings vulnerability yet powerful healing energy if you allow it. Failing to do so turns unresolved issues into a black hole. This becomes a destructive force that can suck in all aspects of your life, making you worse off than you were before. Building intimacy before resolving these issues will result in relationships that are essentially patchwork solutions for your emotional voids. Do the inner work!

Life will continue to do what it always does. It will throw challenges your way specifically to point out where you lack freedom. It does this for a reason because life craves a greater version of you. Use these as opportunities to heal and free yourself from internal traumas. Peter Crone says, “Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not free.”  Where you are finding yourself becoming upset is life presenting you with a circumstance or a person to reveal an internal unhealthy attachment to which you have yet to free yourself from. If you do the inner work and heal these, you will experience a new sense of freedom that opens a whole new world for you. 

Just remember, the journey of self-improvement never ends. If you stop growing, everything around you, including relationships and careers, will stagnate or die. The rule is simple: either grow or die. So keep evolving, keep growing, keep preparing, and keep becoming the person you were meant to be. The world craves and needs that person. Life will unfold in a more beautiful way. 

Let Go and Surrender 

Drawing from David Hawkins' insights in "Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender," one recognizes that true strength lies not in control, but in surrender. 

By releasing our need to control, we create a space infused with faith. This space is where healing begins and where life's natural rhythm can flow freely, delivering what's truly meant for you. Rather than expending energy attempting to manipulate every outcome, focus on mastering your inner self. We are only called to control one thing, ourself.

By transitioning from a mindset of control to one of surrender, you align with the God, allowing God to present you with the opportunities you seek. If you trust the process, everything will unfold as it should. Life happens FOR YOU, not to you.

Having laid the groundwork and preparation for pre-dating, it's essential to recognize that dating is not just about the initial stages of getting to know someone. It is a journey, and with each step, you’re not just searching for a partner but also refining and understanding yourself. 

As we move forward, we must shift our perspective from the initial stages of interaction to a more profound commitment, where each date and every conversation serves a purpose and is driven by intention to reach your goal. Let’s embark on the journey of "Purpose-Driven Dating."

PURPOSE-DRIVEN DATING

Purpose-driven dating is more than just the search for a romantic partner; it's a quest to build a life with someone who resonates with your values and life goals. Each date, conversation, and interaction becomes an opportunity to discern whether the person you're seeing is in sync with your broader life's mission.

Reflecting on my own experiences in the dating world, I've learned 10 key principles that eventually contributed to my success walking away achieving my goal marrying the woman I prayed for. 

As you navigate your dating journey, I'd like to share these 10 key principles with you. These guidelines will help ensure that your dating life is not merely a surface-level pursuit, but a meaningful experience, rich with understanding, clarity, and a strong sense of purpose.

• A Date is an Event: A date is a pre-qualification meeting(s) that happens multiple times to understand compatibility; it's not an immediate jump into commitment. Do not be clingy, it’s just an event! It's essential to view dating as a series of these events, each one bringing clarity about your potential partner. Remember, dating is the vehicle, not the destination.

   

• The 3-Month Rule: 3 months is a long enough period that can begin to give you more clarity into how the person handles certain aspects of life and who they are. Get to know each other before deepening the bond. This time can be invaluable in understanding compatibility and building a solid foundation. You discover and understand another person more and more through Dating! Do they hit your non-negotiables? Do they compliment your life well? Did they pass the three month test?

  
  

• Stay Focused: In the words of an old saying, "What the enemy cannot destroy, it will distract." Keep your mission and purpose at the forefront. We live in a world of unlimited distractions, unlimited swipe rights, and unlimited options. This can keep you at the surface level instead of going deeper and building an incredible relationship. 

  
  

• History Over Promises: While promises can be heartwarming, a person's past behavior is a more reliable predictor of future actions. Dive deep, ask the hard questions, look at habits, make sure they have done their preparation.Eensure you're not setting yourself up for disappointment and settling for less.

  
  

• Complement, Don't Complete: Seek a partner who complements your individuality rather than someone to fill a void. A balanced relationship thrives when both individuals can stand independently yet harmoniously together. The goal is not to pluck the beautiful flower, but to grow along side of it.

  
  

• Communicate Clearly: As you move forward, communication becomes paramount. Be upfront and clear. State your intentions. What you verbalize shapes your relationship. The words you say will change what you see. Be authentic, clear, and kind with your words. Understand their power to craft or crumble the bond you're building. That is for anything in life, not just relationships. So if you speak it you better be able to live with it. Your language dictates your reality. So remember, when you speak, your future is gonna speak back. 

  
  

• Navigating Sex: Postpone the physical element in your relationship for as long as possible. Hold yourself to your higher standards. Jumping in too soon can cloud judgment. While attraction is vital, relying solely on physical intimacy can lead to emotional emptiness and create unintended soul ties. Quantum physics shows that every bond we form leaves an imprint, influencing our present and future. Healing previous soul ties and moving on is crucial for genuine growth and establishing a deeper sense of intimacy in the long run. This is always the hardest test to pass.

  
  

• Fire Needs Air: This is one of the greatest pieces of wisdom I’v come to understand. This takes self awareness and relational awareness. Relationships, like fires, need breathing room to flourish. Constantly suffocating the other person due to your insecurities or undue expectations can douse the passion and connection. Being able to stand as an independent person who has their own priorities through dating allows for the space for air to keep the fire alive. If you put all your focus on the person, you suffocate the fire and it dies out. AIR doesn’t always mean breaking up - although sometimes that may be the best option FIRST. It’s best to break up and clear the air to see if the fire reignites before stepping into marriage. Fire Needs Air can be applied to all things in life.

  
  

• Commitment Shifts Perspective: Transitioning from dating to commitment will require a mindset shift. Relationships or marriages don't necessarily improve your single life; they expose it. This commitment requires leaving behind certain singlehood habits. ‘The ways of a child must be left behind.’ You commit to responsibilities and priorities over freedom. ME becomes WE. Sacrifice isn’t what you think when it comes to commitment and relationships. We make sacrifice sound like a giving up when in reality is is letting go of something lesser in order for something greater to take its place. This happens through making the commitment to your partner. Your priorities shift. You must show up as a committed partner who is willing to grow and navigate the uncertainty of the future with faith.

  
  

• The Power of Growth & Evolution: Finally, relationships are not static. They evolve, adapt, and grow. It's essential to nurture this growth, both individually and collectively. For men, take the lead in communication. Establish a direction that includes both of your visions for life. Ensure that you both grow and evolve as an individual and together. If you use the R.I.S.E. Process throughout the rest of your relationship, your life, both will continually reach new heights. 

In conclusion, both the singleness phase and the dating journey itself are vital components of forming the meaningful, enduring relationship you desire. 

The season of singleness sets the foundation, encouraging you to become the person who the person you're seeking is looking for. It's an invitation to do the inner work, refine your goals, and clear space for someone genuine to enter your life.

On the other hand, purpose-driven dating is about navigating the path to partnership with intention and clarity. It's not just about finding the right person, but also about being the right person. 

When you infuse these stages of relationship-building with purpose, self-awareness, and a clear vision, you not only enrich your own life but also create a foundation for a partnership that can thrive. So whether you're in the process of self-discovery or actively seeking a partner, remember that each phase is a crucial step towards achieving your goal.

For me that was marrying an incredible woman that I could build my life with.

I hope this blog post can help you win, become greater, develop a growth mindset, and reach the goal of landing that incredible relationship. 

If you want some guidance on becoming a new version of your and getting a vision for your life, make sur eyou download the R.I.S.E. Workbook below!

You got this. Keep going!