How To Enhance Self-Awareness for Balancing The Tensions of Life
In our fast-paced and hectic lives, it's easy to lose sight of who you are and what truly matters to you. Enhancing self-awareness is the key to finding a balance and harmony in the midst of life and the tensions that come with it. Self-awareness is the ability to tune in to your own feelings, thoughts, habits, patterns, and actions. It is about understanding your strengths, weakness, challenges, and knowing what helps you thrive.
Self-awareness is one of the most important skills we all must develop on route to becoming your greatest possible self and living out your God given purposes. It allows you to truly recognize your needs and feelings, understand how your behavior affects others, and develop a growth mindset. By becoming more self-aware, you can build positive self-esteem and embrace your unique strengths and abilities, even in the face of life's tests and challenges.
In this blog, I am going to dive into the power of self-awareness, the science behind it, its importance, and how it has transformed the way I move through life and how it can do the same for you. I'll also dive into six polar opposites in life that require self-awareness that I had to learn how to balance and live in the tension of them to create a life I love living. Lastly, I'll share practical steps to enhance your own self-awareness and overcome common obstacles that kept me scattered for a large portion of my life. So, let's embark on this empowering journey together and discover the power of self-awareness.
Understanding the Spectrum of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is a spectrum that evolves over time. It begins in childhood when you start recognizing and naming your emotions, strengths and challenges, and likes and dislikes. As you grow older, your self-awareness continues to develop, encompassing both private and public parts of life. Private self-awareness is being aware of something about yourself that others might not be, while public self-awareness is being aware of how others see you.
By understanding the spectrum of self-awareness, you can navigate your journey towards self-discovery and personal growth more efficiently. And trust me, it makes a world of difference when trying to build a lifestyle business or grow in your professional and personal pursuits.
Defining Self-Awareness in the Modern World
Self-awareness has become another buzzword in the modern world, but what does it really mean? In simple terms, self-awareness is the ability to tune in to your own feelings, thoughts, habits, patterns, and actions. It is about being conscious of your inner world and understanding how it influences your behavior and choices and in return what results show up in your life. Self-awareness also involves recognizing how others perceive you and how your actions impact them.
In a world that often encourages you to focus on external achievements and validation, self-awareness brings you back to yourself and the present moment. That's where all real change occurs first. It then over flows into the external world. It empowers you to take ownership of your emotions, thoughts, and actions, and to make conscious choices forward that align with your values and goals. By building your own self-awareness, you can cultivate a greater growth mindset, unlock your true potential and live a more authentic, fulfilling, and less stressful life.
Self-awareness also plays a crucial role in personal growth and development. By understanding your strengths and challenges, you can make informed decisions, set realistic goals, and work towards self-improvement. It allows you to identify patterns and behaviors that may be holding you back, and to make conscious changes for a more fulfilling life. In essence, self-awareness is the foundation for self-mastery and living a life of purpose and meaning.
Why is self-awareness important?
Self-awareness is essential piece for your personal growth and well-being. It empowers you to take control of yourself, because that is the only thing you have full control over, YOU. By having self awareness it also allows you take conscious actions that align with your values, dreams, and goals. It allows you to create your own path instead of living out building someone else's path.
Self-awareness will also enhance your relationships with others. When you are aware of your own emotions, behaviors, and patterns, you can better understand why you do what you do and change the negative habits or patterns where needed.
Furthermore, self-awareness allows you to navigate life's challenges with grit and grace. It helps you identify patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that may be holding you back. It empowers you to make conscious changes forward for your personal growth. By being self-aware, you can create a life that is aligned with your greatest self, your God given purpose, and find a sense of balance, fulfillment, and joy.
Transform your life
Self-awareness has the power to transform every aspect of your life. When you are self-aware, you have a deeper understanding of yourself and your true desires. You become more attuned to your intuition and can make decisions that are in alignment with who you want to become and what kind of life you would like to create.
Self-awareness also enables you to navigate the challenges and tensions of life with greater ease. By recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, habits and patterns you can then develop strategies to overcome the same challenges you seem to face season after season. You can also cultivate self-compassion or grace as I like to call it, and learn from your mistakes, leading to personal growth, personal grit, and personal resilience.
In essence, self-awareness is a major key to living a fulfilling and purpose-driven life. It allows you to embrace your uniqueness, build positive relationships, and make changes and choices that in the long run can bring you joy and fulfillment. Self-awareness is all about knowing yourself better, having an intimate relationship with yourself so that you can develop a healthier relationship with your self, with others, and with life.
Six Tensions of Life
I have come to learn that a part of life is a delicate balance of living harmoniously in the tensions that life presents. To find harmony, you must live in the tension between these opposites. If you find yourself too far on one side of the scale for too long, you will experience negative effects on other components of life.
I have experienced six polar opposites that I find myself navigating through out my life. Of course there are many more, but these are the six I found myself trying to navigate more effectively. Since doing, life has become much more beautiful. The six tensions are movement & stillness, train & rest, faith & works, structure & flexibility, creating & consumption, and planning & action. It took a lot of learning and the development of my own self awareness to understand these "tensions." But once I became aware of my habits, patterns, strengths, and weakness on a deeper level, I stopped finding myself so far on one side of the spectrum and experiencing the same problems over and over again.
I have come to learn that there are tensions we must get comfortable living in both psychologically and physically. It's becoming comfortable while being uncomfortable. These where tensions that I believe had to be either or. Now I've come to learn that you can have both. But it requires the self-awareness and discipline in order to effectively live in the tension of both polar opposites. By finding the balance within these opposing forces, it has brought more stability to my life, more discipline, more grit, more courage, more joy, more progress, and more personal growth than I could have ever imagined.
Tension #1: Movement & Stillness - Finding Harmony Between Action and Reflection
In our fast-paced world, I find that the balance between movement and stillness is crucial. Movement represents action and progress, while stillness represents reflection and introspection. By embracing both movement and stillness, I was able to find a healthy harmony in my life.
I used to always want to be on the move, trying to escape discomfort. I had a severe case of Escapism that was expressed through a need for constant movement through travel or moving cities. But I realized I needed to be still and learn the lessons life was trying to gift me in each season. Growth requires staying planted, like a seed that needs stillness to grow roots and sprout.
Stillness is where the answers you seek come to you. Movement is taking action on those answers. Now, if you always are always still you may get answers and direction, but you'll never be able to bring them into reality. If you are always moving, you wont slow down enough to gain the insight on how to intentionally experience the change and growth you want in life.
Finding the balance between movement and stillness is about recognizing when to take action and when to pause and reflect. It is about honoring my need for progress and growth, while also prioritizing the importance of reflection and thinking. By embracing both sides of the spectrum, it helped me live a more balanced and fulfilling life.
How I Live In The Tension: Each year I set 4 quarterly Themes. Being, Body, Balance, Business. Movement occurs in the Business and Body. Stillness occurs in the Balance and Being. In the movement quarters, I get after it and push through. In the Stillness, I take more time to pause and reflect. Each day is planned and scheduled out with the quarterly theme in mind.
Tension #2: Train & Rest - Balancing Effort with Recovery
In my journey to improve my physical health through physical activities, it's crucial not to underestimate the significance of rest and recovery. Balancing the tension between training and resting is essential for both my physical strength and mental well-being.
Working out involves dedication, discipline, perseverance, and pushing my physical limits. It is about building muscle, increasing stamina, and striving for optimal fitness. On the other hand, rest allows my muscles to recover, repair, and grow stronger. It is about allowing myself the proper amount of time to recover, reflect, and replenish my energy.
I would find myself pushing to achieve my fitness goals yet never giving my body the rest to full recover because I wanted to 'goal' to happen faster then it actually was. I would then experience an injury. The injury happened to remind me of rest and recovery. Now with an injury, I was forced into rest and recovery.
Achieving a balance between working out and resting requires a self-awareness to my physical body. It's paying attention to my body's signals and respecting it's needs. It's about knowing when to push through the workout and when to take a rest day. By embracing both physical effort and recovery, I have been able to enhance my performance, avoid injuries, and lead a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle in the long run.
How I Live In The Tension: Each week I have workout days scheduled and rest days scheduled. Through the year, I have Quarterly Theme, with one quarter being a strong push for physical development and growth while the following season is spent in a balance where I work to maintain the growth and let me body rest.
Tension #3: Faith & Works - Merging Belief with Practice
Faith and works are two opposing forces that shape my life. Faith represents my beliefs, values, and dreams, while works represent my actions, efforts, and achievements. By merging my belief with practice, I can create a life that is both meaningful and impactful.
I've seen others who say they have faith in something but their actions (works) do not reflect their faith. They have the faith that something will change or show up, yet they don't take action on that faith. They have the faith that their dream business, dream relationship, or dream whatever will come, but if they do not take action on that faith, those dreams are dead.
You can have the faith that a big tree bearing fruit will grow, but it will never grow if you don't plant the seed, water it, and care for the tree. For the longest time I would say I have the faith something will work out, but my actions did not reflect my faith. I was holding the seed in my hand for years, while never planting it.
I reminded myself of this tension with this - You move, God moves.
Combining faith and works leads to intentional living and blessings from God. Without intention, focusing only on works can result in chaos and aimlessness. Faith gives purpose, guiding towards passions and fueling motivation. Works turn faith into action, manifesting potential with intention and bringing your dreams to life. Balancing faith and works aligns actions with beliefs, taking intentional action while staying true to your values. By merging faith with practice, you can live authentically, purposefully, and a fulfilling life.
How I Live In The Tension: Very similar to how I navigate the Movement & Rest tension. During the Body & Business Quarters I am in my Works. Each day is planned out with a goal to accomplish small wins with ACTION and push through. The Being and Balance quarters is the time where I lean into my faith and maintain believing the hard work I put in through Business and Body will eventually bear fruit. Even though on season is more work and one season is more faith, Faith & Works are required in all seasons.
Tension #4: Structure & Flexibility - Navigating Order and Adaptability
Life is a delicate balance between structure and flexibility. Structure represents order, routine, and stability, while flexibility represents adaptability, spontaneity, and growth. By navigating the tension between these opposites, I can create a life that is both organized and adaptable.
I used to be such a flexible go-with-the-flow person. Except I was never on my path of go-with-the-flow. I was reacting to my circumstances instead of creating them. When I became aware of this, I forced myself into such a structured routine. Anything that through off my routine, through me off completely. Until finally, I figured out how to live in the tension of both.
Structure provides me with a sense of stability and predictability. It allows me to establish routines, set goals, and stay focused. On the other hand, flexibility enables me to adapt to change, embrace new opportunities, and learn from unexpected situations.
Finding the balance between structure and flexibility is about creating a framework that allows for growth and adaptation. It is about maintaining a sense of order and routine, while also remaining open to new possibilities and experiences. By balancing structure with flexibility, I can now navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace.
How I Live In The Tension: I plan my out my days for the week, my quarters, my years, and 3-year phases. Although I am very structured in my days, I leave room for flexibility throughout my months, years, and phases. In other words, I am not attached to the outcomes. I set them with intention, but I am not attached. This is key. Life happens to all of us. If we are unable to be flexible, we will break and crumble. If I can bend, when life throws curve balls, I can bounce back into structure while maintaining growth and direction with my life.
Tension #5: Creating & Consuming - Cultivating Creativity While Absorbing Content
The tension between creating and consumption shapes my relationship with the world. Creating represents my ability to express myself, generate ideas, and bring something new into existence, while consumption represents my capacity to absorb information, learn from others, and find inspiration.
At times I would find myself too far on the creating side and then would burnout, whether it was ideas or depleted with no energy. On the other side, I would spend all my time consuming. I would then be filled up with ideas, goals, and dreams, yet I wouldn't take action on them. Once again, I had to learn how to live in the tension.
Cultivating creativity while absorbing content requires me to find a balance between generating my own ideas and being open to new influences, perspectives, and opporotunities. It is about nurturing my creative spirit by engaging in activities that inspire me, such as writing, building my business, or creating personal content. It is also about being mindful of the content I consume, choosing sources of inspiration that align with my values and aspirations that can help me work towards my goals.
It becomes a constant flow of ideas coming in and actions going out. Just as a rivers flow in and out of a lake.
By balancing creating and consumption, I can tap into my creative potential to express myself at greater levels while staying connected to the incredible amount of information accessible to everyone. It allows me to express myself authentically and find inspiration in the richness of life.
How I Live In The Tension: In each of my days I make sure that I am creating something. Whether its writing or filming or editing, I must create. I also take the time to consume. Whether it is books, podcast, courses, our YouTube videos. Consuming sparks ideas, builds perspective, and is a starting point to growth in any area. Each day my goal is to do both.
Tension #6: Planning & Action - The Dance Between Preparation and Execution
Planning and action are two crucial components of achieving your goals. I believe that planning involves setting goals, creating strategies, and organizing your resources, while action involves executing your plans, taking risks, and embracing opportunities.
Finding the balance between planning and action is about striking the right balance between preparation and execution. It is about setting clear goals and developing a roadmap, while also taking action towards those goals. If you sit around planning for perfection, yet never take action, what you plan with never come into existence.
By embracing the dance between planning and action, I can optimize my performance and achieve my desired outcomes. It allows me to focus on progress and feedback rather than perfectionism. If you get stuck in the planning phase, you will experience Analysis paralysis. You will get stuck. But if you make plans and take action on those plans, you begin to create motion. Motion creates feedback and momentum. And as we know an object in motion tends to stay in motion, you will eventually realize that progress is being made.
Embrace the power of planning but make sure you take action on those plans to bring your dreams into reality.
How I Live In The Tension: I take a few hours a week to plan my following week. I take one day a month to plan my following month. I take one day to plan out the next quarter. I take 2 days a year to plan my next year. This has allowed me to not get so caught up in the perfection prospective of having a set in stone plan and move towards a progressing perspective. Even though it may seem like a small amount of time to plan, it is effective because it is focused planning. While spending the rest of my days, months, and years in action to gather feedback and create momentum for the next round of planning.
Practical Steps to Enhance Self-Awareness
Understanding these six tensions in life and developing the self-awareness to live in the balance of these can ease stress and anxiety while bringing about great joy and progress in your personal growth journey and overall life.
I want to share some critical insights when it comes to developing your self-awareness to a greater level. These insights will provide a perspective that will help you learn more about yourself so you can grow into whom you are meant to become.
Feedback Loops
From early childhood, you were taking in massive amounts information to optimize different aspects of your life for you to learn and improve at a certain aspect.
As we grow up, many of us including myself at one point, do not become conscious of our own feedback loops. Think of a feedback loop as our own personal algorithm that builds our life. Sometimes we get stuck in negative feedback loops and we crumble. We crumble because we don't have the self-awareness of our actions or what we are taking in. So we continue to move forward without optimizing our algorithm and we hope for different results yet experience the same thing over and over again.
Being conscious of your Feedback loops is an effective way to build your self-awareness. You reflect and gather feedback on your actions and results. With this knowledge you are then able to change the inputs (your actions) in order to receive a greater or new desired output. If you fail at something, you don't fail, you gain feedback. Through this feedback and with your self-awareness, you can then make the changes to your actions that are needed in order to experience a new output.
Once you become conscious of your own personal feedback algorithm, you will be able to make the changes (which are hard, but worth it) in order to experience a greater outcome over time. Become aware of your own feedback loops. Slow down. Meditate and reflect. You'll be surprised at what information and feedback flows to you.
Setting Intentions
Setting intentions is a powerful practice that aligns your actions with your inner values and aspirations. It involves consciously choosing the direction you want to move towards and making intentional choices that support your goals.
To set intentions, take time to reflect on your values, passions, and long-term vision and goals. Identify what truly matters to you and what you want to achieve. Get very clear. Think of it as planting seeds. What seeds do you want to plant? Use this clarity to set specific, actionable intentions that are aligned with the goals you want to achieve and the life you want to create.
Setting intentions helps you stay focused, motivated, and aligned with your highest and greatest self. It guides your actions and decisions, ensuring that you are moving in the right direction. By regularly revisiting and reaffirming your intentions, you can cultivate self-awareness and create a life that is in harmony with your inner values and beautiful.
Talk Therapy
Talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy, is a powerful tool for self-exploration and self-awareness. There is two ways this can be practiced. The first way involves engaging in conversations with a trained therapist to explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. The second way, which I do, is take long walks and talk to yourself out loud. Yes, you may look crazy but the therapeutic benefits and insights gained from this are incredible.
Through talk therapy, you can gain deeper insights into yourself, uncover patterns and dynamics that may be holding you back, and develop strategies for your personal growth and well-being. It provides a safe and supportive space to explore your challenges, aspirations, and inner world. It also reveals how you talk to yourself. If that inner voice is so critical or negative, you can ask yourself WHY. The WHY question takes you down a rabbit hole and can eventually lead to gaining insight to past trauma, experiences, and habits that make you the way you are. This allows you to gain the awareness so that you can change where needed.
Talk therapy with a therapist offers different modalities, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, and mindfulness-based therapy. Choose a approach that resonates with you. If you need some deeper support and help, find a therapist who is a good fit for your needs.
By engaging in talk therapy, you can deepen your self-awareness, gain clarity on your goals, discover more of your purpose, and develop the skills to navigate life's challenges with resilience and empowerment. It may seem crazy, but I have gained so much insight talking to myself and talking to God through prayer and meditation.
How To Overcoming Obstacles in Self-Awareness
Enhancing self-awareness requires navigating common obstacles that may slow your progress. By being aware of these obstacles, you can develop strategies to overcome them and continue on your journey of self-discovery.
Some common obstacles I've experienced in self-awareness include:
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Breaking free from denial and self-deception
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Managing overwhelm in the process of self-discovery
Breaking Free from Denial and Self-Deception
Denial and self-deception can prevent you from truly seeing yourself and slow your self-awareness. They involve avoiding or minimizing uncomfortable truths and protecting yourself from facing difficult emotions or realities.
To break free from denial and self-deception, you must cultivate courage and a willingness to seek and face the truth, even when the truth hurts. This involves recognizing your ego, default defense mechanisms, and challenging your own assumptions and beliefs. This is a never ending process.
By embracing honesty with your self-reflection, you can overcome denial and self-deception. This is where talk therapy is very beneficial. Asking yourself questions while on a walk can reveal more answers than you think. Also a therapist can help you go much deeper, if that is a route you choose to go. Gathering awareness of yourself also means asking the hard questions to those who are close to you and that your trust to give you the truth even if it hurts. You must be open to gather feedback consistently.
The truth is what will set you free, build your perspective, and allow you the awareness on all areas of life. This opens the door to deeper self-awareness, personal growth, and freedom. In return, you can break free from denial, self-deception and grow into a greater version of yourself.
Managing Overwhelm in the Process of Self-Discovery
The process of self-discovery can be overwhelming at times. It involves exploring your emotions, thoughts, and experiences, and confronting aspects of yourself that may be challenging. This also confronts past traumas that may be overwhelming but if you can move through them, the freedom on the other side is liberating. Managing overwhelm is crucial to maintain your well-being and continue your journey of self-awareness.
To manage overwhelm, it is important to create a support system and seek guidance from trusted individuals and/or professionals if needed. Setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and prioritizing self-compassion are also essential. Taking small steps and breaking the process into manageable chunks can help prevent overwhelm. With self-awareness, the moment you feel overwhelmed is a moment you have found something that is worth exploring deeper. Even though emotions with FLOOD you, you have found the opportunity to experience freedom if you move through it.
With self-awareness and finding balance in the tensions of life, you can move forward step by step, day by day. Power is in the present.
Remember that self-discovery is a lifelong journey, and it is okay to take breaks and seek support when needed. By managing overwhelm, you can navigate the process of self-discovery with resilience and create a life that is aligned with your greatest self.
You got this. We got this. God has got this.
Keep going.
-Kyle