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It's June 2017 and I just moved back to sunny San Diego, CA.
It has been a year since I've taken the leap of faith to start my own business and go after something I wanted.
They told me to burn all the bridges. Set big goals. Take the island. Design a life, create your own reality, and build a business that allows you to achieve the life of your dreams.
I felt like I took all this action towards its attainment and progression yet I felt extremely frustrated. I felt like nothing was gaining traction. My stress and anxiety levels were THROUGH THE ROOF. None of my goals were getting hit. I felt like nothing was working. I felt like I was on the brink of complete failure yet I also felt like I can't stop working because I will fall behind.
Then the crash came. Everything fell out from beneath me. This 'online education and business system' got shut down and I lost about $60,000. I invested in it because it was the first thing to cross my path on my new journey as an entrepreneur and I grabbed onto it so tight because it would lead me to my "dreams." 😑
I thought to myself, "You idiot, Kyle. You got scammed. Now things are going to get real interesting in your life."
And they did.
I was forced to move out of my apartment and move into my car because I could no longer afford rent. I had credit card bills piled up above my head. Ohhhh the lesson I was about to learn from the not-so-genius idea of trying to start an entire business with only credit. (Never do this, ever).
I was thankful that I was able to return to my job at the restaurant, but dangit it frustrated me. I was worse off than I was a year ago when I quit the restaurant job and started this entrepreneur journey.
My new bed was a folded down leather seat in the back of my 2012 White Camry. I was living off a $1.99 coffee and donut from 7-11 and one $7 breakfast burrito per day and any food I could get at the restaurant I was working at was CLUTCH.
To put my feelings in one word, Frustrated. Extremely.
I was frustrated with me, with my actions, with what happened to this company, with my new current situation. My restaurant job. Everything.
One night, I was laying down, looking up, staring out the rear window of my car and watching my breath come to life in the form of a layer of moisture on the window.
It's dark outside and the neighborhood I am in is quiet.
Out of nowhere, a stern yet calm voice comes and says to me, "Are you done trying to do this all by yourself?"
That is the night my life and perspective on life completely changed.
That is the moment I began an extremely difficult and continual process of absolute surrender.
Even to this day, I must be intentional in surrendering on a daily basis.
Absolute surrender means you surrender to God, the higher power, and allow God to work in and through your life.
For me at the time, that was extremely difficult to do. The old Kyle identity had GOALS for everything. He had a life designed to his liking. He had material goals and world-changing goals. He loved being in control and if something needed to be done he would get it done himself.
Yet that way of life left me living in the back of my car, broke and frustrated.
Now, although surrender has come much easier because I have made it a habit, I sometimes still try to make decisions and do things on my own terms.
When I know that I must surrender, spend alone time with God, get his guidance, and put my FULL faith into what God wants to do through me and in my life.
Because even the most incredible life I can imagine and that I believe I can build is not even close to the outstanding life God has for me.
Through the seasons of life to which I did not surrender and tried to do everything myself, I ALWAYS found myself extremely frustrated. Some of the greatest understandings in my life have come from my self-induced seasons of frustrations.
I know I am a product of my environment. I have FLOODED my environment with non-stop personal development and ambition because that is what "the successful" people do and tell me to do.
Always moving, always busy, always be selling, always setting goals, always working. ALWAYS.
From that, you are always going to experience frustration, stress, anxiety and BURN OUT.
We try to live our life with our own fabricated expectations and when we experience the failed reality we find ourselves frustrated.
The way I see this now is:
Fabricated Expectations + Failed Reality = FRUSTRATION
Shoutout Michael Todd for this!
These fabricated expectations are formed by our desires and what we want. When in fact we should first sit in silence with God, have a conversation with him and ask what God wants to do through our life. Then watch God bring us what we need.
What God actually wants to bring me and build through me is so much greater than my desires, my wants, and my understanding and it always aligns with what I love, my passions, and my the strengths I have in my life.
God's way and purpose in my life always will prevail in my life if I so choose to accept it.
I don't believe this is what we call fate, more like destiny. We are given a choice to pursue our destiny with the ideas, the passions, and desires that God has placed in us.
A quick story comes to mind that helps me view frustration a whole new way.
God gave Joseph a dream that he was going to be a leader and in a palace one day. I am guessing Joseph's way of thinking about how he was going to get there never played out according to his expectations.
He was sold into slavery by his brothers and eventually put in prison.
I bet he experienced frustration after frustration, but guess what?
HE STILL ENDED UP IN THE PALACE and become second in power over Egypt.
My point is, if God has given you a dream, a vision, a desire to strive to create something bigger, it's going to work out.
It's great to have goals and strive to hit milestones, but focusing so much on chasing them because you want them and then experience frustration when you don't achieve them can lead to an unfulfilled life.
When really if you keep moving forward in faith, you can end up in your palace.
I want to share how I manage my frustration and prevent it.
1) Absolute Surrender.
This gives me a sense of peace in my heart and in my spirit. It is the most difficult. This process is completely an inside job and continually takes work.
BUT, The reward is so much more then you could ever imagine.
2) Remove all expectations except for the expectation for God to show up.
My fabricated expectations that aren't met, lead me to a state of frustration. Instead, now I have no fabricated expectations and watch God continually show up.
With opportunities that are for me, God shows up. In relationships that are for me, God shows up. How do I know God shows up? Because supernatural things happen and I can feel the sense of peace that they bring.
Or there may come an uneasy feeling in my spirit and I know there is a reason not to pursue.
My faith is continually built through this belief that what is meant to be will come to pass.
3) Change my focus from outward to inward.
It is a balance in life trying to manage this. There are moments where our focus must be on the external environment because we must survive and carry on daily activity.
But I can tell you that every time something is off in my external environment, it is a result of how I am experiencing it in my internal environment. SO I shift the focus to my internal environment. What meaning am I giving this? What can I learn from this? How can I get better, stronger? What can I change on the inside to experience a different outside?
Again, this is an inside job.
4) Ripped up all my goals with dates, all my lists.
These are the fabricated expectations and material things that we create out of our fleshly desires. Sometimes we even set a date next to them as if God is working on our clock and we have the power to make everything happen on our own.
This means you have the perspective of absolute control of your external world and puts God in a box. God is clocking in on your time and making sure everything happens on your time so your GOALS are met.
The thing is, God, works on God's schedule, and 'in God's perfect timing' the right opportunities, the right resources, and the right people will flow into your effortlessly to continually help you to your palace.
Most of the time they show up in ways that you never EXPECTED.
Keep working on yourself. Stay healthy. Stay active. Be Present. Learn. Pray. Reflect. Get at least 1% better every single day as your opportunity will match your preparation. I try to live my life as a theme rather than by the goals.
5) Give myself grace.
This is so important. We are human. We slip up, we fail, we take a step back. But it's ok. Give yourself permission to give yourself grace.
Perfection is the lowest standard. Nobody is perfect. Nothing works out perfectly in your doing, everything works out perfect by God's doing.
So when you fail, slip up or get knocked down. Get back up, eat a cookie, and keep moving forward.
You are an outstanding individual who has an incredible calling in life. I believe in you!
Thank you for reading this post. It is my purpose in life to help you experience life at a whole new level and reach NewHeidts. I hope this post has helped you to level up, change your perspective, build your faith and take a step in the direction of creating the life you desire to have. Take life higher and reach NewHeidts!
Make sure you check out NewHeidts Gear.
Thank you for your support! Keep going! God Bless!